Some non-Olympic reminders…
22/08/2008 – 14:03
Paris:
Just here to point out that are other things going on in the world other than the Olympics. Lolwut? For realsies? Yeah dumbass. I’m so sick of people commenting, blogging, or otherwise talking about what happened last night at the Olympics. I swear, if I hear someone ask “Did you watch what happened in the 400m relay?”, say “U.S.A. has the most medals.” or hear the name Michael Phelps one more time, I will gouge their eyes out with a rusty spoon, steam them, add a slight honey glaze, and feed them to my goldfish. Think about it, goldfish taking little pecking bites out of your steamed eyes. Yeah, so shut the hell up about the Olympics for just a damn minute!
Unless everyone has forgotten, we have a few issues around the world that’s still unresolved. Like, oh I dunno, the Iraq situation! That just didn’t fix itself because of the Olympics you know. While everyone is watching Nastia Liukin and Shawn Johnson win golds, our armed forces are busy serving our country and maintaining order in a place full of chaos. That’s not to say winning gold medals isn’t awesome. It is. Winning is awesome right? Yeah, I think we should win everything. Including wars.
Then there’s the Russia/Georgia conflict. I know, you haven’t kept up ’cause you’re all a bunch of fuckin’ Olympic zombies. You probably don’t even realize that Georgia, for some time now, has been quite displeased with America and has decided to secede from the United States! Georgia was like “Fuck this! I’m leaving!” Holy shit! For serious Paris!? You ask. Do we have another Civil War at our hands? No dumbass! Not the state Georgia, the country Georgia! Look it up and maybe you’ll find out. Oh wait, that’s right, you were too busy watching the Olympics to know the difference between the two. Poor Georgia, outstaged by people getting together to see who can run, hop, skip, and jump better.
Oh yeah, let’s not forget, we’re due for a new President. Or did you all forget about that already? The two candidates for the Republican and Democratic parties are John McCain and Barack Obama, respectively. Holy what? You mean we haven’t had elections yet? I’m such an fuckin’ dumbass. That’s right, you are a fuckin’ dumbass and yes, countries usually need leaders. As a refresher, they haven’t even chosen their running candidates yet and we all can’t wait to find out… just as soon as the Olympics are over. No, Michael Phelps did not run for President. No, he did not win a gold medal for it. No, he did not break the world record for “Presidenting.” And yes, you’re all fuckin’ dumbasses. I know I already said that but I said it again to drive it home.
Do us all a favor. It’s Friday, go have a night out. Get drunk, watch a movie, hell, just step outside instead of being glued to your T.V. Let me put this into perspective: name 3 bronze medalists. Hah! I didn’t think so. See you in 4 years chumps!